Every year I go on a trip to Philadelphia with my school's model UN club. This year, I became one of the presidents as my reward for sticking it out for four years. After minimal effort on my part, we set off for the trip on the morning of the 24th.
This conference, called ILMUNC, is hilarious. Take the nerdiest kids from schools all over the country, the kids who want to skip school for two days, and a handful of international students with minimal English skills, then have them live close together in a hotel for three days and debate current events, and you have this conference. There are something like two thousand students (or 'delegates') in a hotel with 30 stories and 5 elevators. Basically it's every educator's nightmare.
So this year I decided to live blog it and make my readers (hi mom and dad) experience it along with me.
Thursday, January 24th
7 AM: I wake up to find snow. Not much, maybe an inch, but snow. Which means that the 27 model UN delegates will be walking the mile to the metro with our luggage in the snow.
8 AM: We put our suitcases in HeadChaperones classroom. People are upset about the snow. They want to bus to the metro. HeadChaperone shuts this idea down. Talk of mutiny occurs.
11 AM: We congregate, exchange cell phone numbers, quell the rising coup and set off on our snowy trek.
11:02 AM: I slip and fall on the sidewalk. I resist the urge to top it off with a bow.
11:10 AM: Because we're an all girls school, we severely overpacked. We make our slow way through the ice.
11:20 AM: This may be the longest journey ever undertaken by anyone ever. There might not be hope. The school might have to send out dogs to uncover our frozen bodies.
11:30 AM: The metro looms in the distance, bringing with it a promise of warmth and safety. We buy tickets, get on a train, get off a train, and make our way through the crowds at Union Station
12 PM: "I love traveling in big groups!" said no one ever.
12:30 PM It takes fifteen minutes to load our luggage onto the train. It takes twenty for people to stop complaining about not being able to go to Jamba Juice.
3 PM: We arrive in the lobby of an enormous hotel packed with kids in blazers.
4: We get our room key and, because we're devious and old hats, climb 2 flights of stairs, catch an elevator down, smirk at the people in the lobby when the doors open to reveal a full elevator, then hit the button for the 16th flight.
5: Having donned our western business attire, I use the map on my phone to lead us to an Indian restaurant.
5:15: I realize I've been leading us the wrong way. It's freezing and we're wearing skirts and heels. I manage to dodge the attempts of my so-called best friends to push me into traffic.
7: Full of curry and naan, we arrive at opening ceremonies. A university a Capella group attempts an unfortunate rendition of a dubstep song.
7:30: The keynote speaker promises to keep it brief.
8: My fellow senior role models are playing 'Llama or Duck' on their phones.
8:15: The speaker finishes. We treat him to a nice, slow clap.
8:30: The first committee session. People walk around shoving their hands in each other faces and introducing themselves by country. I'm tired. My feet hurt. I just ate a shit ton of Indian food. Screw these self satisfied socialites, I'm sitting down.
9: The chair seems confused about proper procedure.
9:45: I check my watch. We have almost two hours left.
10:15: TallGirl and I have the following text exchange:
TG: We just got attacked by an over zealous India
Me: The people next to me are passing notes like Planned Parenthood gives out condoms. Should I murder them?
TG: People are idiots. Especially Peru.
Me: I hate everything.
TG: It's 11:11. I wished to be home
Me: After this I'm going back to the room and rocking back and forth in the shower like an abuse victim.
10:30: The chair ignores my placard for the seventh time
10:45: Some kid gets up and shouts in an accent. People cheer. I am not amused.
11:30: Freedom has never tasted so sweet.