Thursday, February 7, 2013

I Swear to God, This Happens


English Teacher: Alright guys, let’s call to order our weekly Make Camille Miserable Meeting. Before we get started, I just want to commend Geography Teacher for the work he’s been doing with that research project. Truly incredible stuff.

(Geography teacher nods modestly)

English Teacher: Okay. Let’s get everyone’s report for the upcoming week. Math Teacher, why don’t you start?

Math Teacher: I scheduled a test for next Tuesday. I know it doesn’t sound like much but I made sure to announce it while she was in the bathroom. She has no idea.

Biology Teacher: Very nice. This week I assigned lab partners. I made sure Camille got one who doesn’t pay attention in class, is almost impossible to contact, and has a peculiar odor.

Geography Teacher: Bravo. Personally, I was thinking about two projects and an essay.

Parents: Okay. Can we run something by you? Do you think it would work if we offered to let her go out all night, then call at ten and demand she comes home for no reason?

English Teacher: Hmm. Sounds good. What about an uncalled for lecture on responsibility?

Math Teacher: Or a breathalyzer test.

Parents: Wow. Perfect. We’re clearly amateurs here. Thanks guys.

Coach: I’ve organized sprint workouts every day next week.

Weather: It’s going to be warm every morning, to give false hope. Then, once she’s wearing shorts and flip-flops, BAM! Below freezing.

City Coordinator: I’m talking all red lights, all the time.

English Teacher: Wow. All that on top of the entire book of reading I’m going to design. I think we can be assured that Camille will be nice and miserable in the upcoming days. Check in next week for the ultimate Valentine’s Day disaster.

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